August 27, 2011

I do not want the first words that I share to be vulgar so all I can think of is holy cow.  What do you mean I have breast cancer?  I am in the early stages of this new life experience and do not know what is in store.  At this point, I know that the doctors are 90 percent sure that I have cancer in my left breast.  They biopsied the breast on Wednesday, August 24 and I go back August 31 for the results and the planned course of treatment.

To back up, let me tell you a little bit about myself.  I am a 52 year old woman from America.  I have been having problems with my left breast for about a year.  I know I know.  You ask yourself and me, "how in this day and age could you let it go on for a year?"  Three simple words:  fear, faith and hope.   

I am not going to spend even one second beating myself up for that nor will I allow anyone else.  It just is what it is.  If you want to know the real frightening truth the only reason that I know this now is a fluke.  I had a problem with my leg and HAD to go to the doctor to deal with that.  I had no intention of asking about the breast. Toward the end of my visit, I got this little twinge in my psyche that took over my brain and mouth and asked the doctor if I could show him something else.  

When I showed him my "something else" he asked "how long has this been like that?" When I told him about a year he did that "medical professional face freeze" where you know they are thinking "why the hell did you wait so long to do something about this" but what he said was that we would need to do a mammogram.  I of course knew I was in trouble.  Now we are back to fear faith and hope.  Hope was dying, fear was taking over and well faith was carrying me on.

The initial appointment was being set for the next day.  Yeah no none of that fast testing for me.  I have a job and I cannot for a minute imagine taking more time off than the time for this appointment for my leg.  So we scheduled the appointment for the following Wednesday. 

That is another story for tomorrow.  For today I just want to say welcome and I hope my experiences will help bring a better understanding to others and maybe help someone who is this position in the future or now gain strength or hope or faith from it.